


whatever this world can give to me

by volunteer_of_hufflepuff



Series: in history we trust [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1980s, Doctor Alec Lightwood, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Happy Ending, Historical AU, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Malec Secret Santa 2018, Mutual Pining, Professor Magnus Bane, Slow Burn, as slow as you can with 5k, copious mentions of Queen, including a queen concert of course, mundane AU, set in 1982
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-24 11:13:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17099528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/volunteer_of_hufflepuff/pseuds/volunteer_of_hufflepuff
Summary: It's the summer of 1982 and Magnus Bane simply wants some peace: but after missing the bus one rainy morning largely due to Alec Lightwood, he may have lost it forever.And it may not necessarily be a bad thing, especially when tickets to the latest Queen concert come into the mix.But when he starts to catch feelings?Now, that's the tricky part.A.k.a where Magnus and Alec slowly become friends, and perhaps something more, in the haze of a star-studded summer.





	whatever this world can give to me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [malecsmagicalarrows](https://archiveofourown.org/users/malecsmagicalarrows/gifts).



> For sandalwoodmalecs: I hope you enjoy this piece: there's a lot of tropes in here which I hope you will like - there's enemies to lovers, though it's one-sided and quite silly, Magnus taking care of Madzie, lots of Queen, and it is set in the summer of 1982.
> 
> Thanks to my amazing beta [zahrabane](https://archiveofourown.org/users/zahrabane/pseuds/zahrabane) who ensured that this all made sense, to the organiser of this event, and my giftee for supplying me with such amazing prompts.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

The sky billowed with clouds. Rain fell, heavy and fast, and Magnus cursed, pulling his briefcase closer to his body.  
  
He couldn’t stop a groan from slipping through his mouth as the bus sped past him, water drenching his bag despite his previous efforts.  
  
It was waterproof - allegedly. Hopefully, it stood the test, or there would be some very angry students when Magnus turned up with their essays - already belated - destroyed, their marks illegible.  
  
With that scintillating thought in mind, Magnus chased after the bus.  
  
The signpost of the bus stop faced him, almost mockingly. Next to the signpost, underneath the shelter, stood a man, a leather wallet already in his hand.  
  
The bus stopped, and Magnus cursed under his breath again.  
  
The man, his suit perfectly dry, entered the bus. The money clinked, the ticket was exchanged, and the door hadn’t closed yet.  
  
But as his eyes met the man’s - they were stunning, molten gold wrapped in jagged emeralds - he shook his head.  
  
The door closed, and the bus rattled off.  
  
Slightly out of breath, Magnus grabbed the signpost to steady himself, swearing vehemently under his breath.  
  
That asshole.  
  
He wouldn’t be able to make it to tea with Catarina now. 

...

Thankfully, due to his early departure, he wasn’t late for work.  
  
Which was just as well. It hadn't been easy to secure this job.  
  
Yet, when he turned up to his first lecture, coffee in hand and briefcase slung over his shoulder, there were already students waiting outside the lecture hall.  
  
“Right,” Magnus said, opening the door, “come on in.”  
  
Chaos swarmed over the room as he stepped inside, the chatter continuing to flourish as the loud snap of desks opening filled the hall.  
  
Magnus sighed, throwing his belongings down on the table beside him. 8 am really was too early for a lecture. “Welcome. I have your essays.”  
  
The chatter started to crackle, to bubble, on the verge of setting fire to the room.  
  
He unclipped the brass clasp of his briefcase, pulling out the slightly damp essays.  
  
Magnus smiled, feeling only a tad evil. “Please collect them after the lecture.”  
  
A collective grumble spread across the room, but Magnus knew from unfortunate experience that handing them out now would lead to distracted and disinterested students.  
  
Well, only slightly more so than usual.  
  
Perhaps Magnus wasn't being fair to his students. They were generally a good lot, turning in most of their assessments on time and treating Magnus with respect.  
  
Magnus started to walk around, surveying the room, and everyone fell into a silent hush. “After exploring the rise of communism through the allegoristic story of _Animal Farm_ , we will be exploring the fragility of the American Dream in early 20th century Midwestern America through Steinbeck's _Of Mice and Men_. Of course, if you pay any attention at all to the course you are studying, you would already know this.”  
  
Magnus turned around, scrawling _Of Mice and Men_ onto the blackboard.  
  
He turned back around, his burgundy coat sweeping out. “Get out your books. There’s no rest for the wicked,” he said, winking. “Let's thoroughly dissect and explore the tragedy of George and Lennie.”  
  
The lecture passed in a swirl of content pouring out of his mouth, his own battered copy of _Of Mice and Men_ lying on the table.  
  
It might not have been the easiest job, teaching adolescents the wonder of literature in the midst of this crazy decade.  
  
Life would never be easy.  
  
But at least, as a reputable professor, it was easier.

 ...

When Magnus finally found the time to swing around to Catarina’s place, it was Saturday afternoon, the vicious rain replaced by soft rays of sunlight.  
  
As always, Catarina opened the door with the bolt still in place.  
  
“Who is it?”  
  
The question hung in the air, soaked with the uncertainty and fear born out of societal prejudice.

“Magnus, dear,” he replied.

Catarina unlocked the door, leaning against it with a sigh. “Thank goodness you’re here.”  
  
Magnus frowned, walking inside. “Are you alright?”  
  
Catarina bit her lip, gesturing towards the phone lying limply on the table. “There’s been an influx of AIDs patients at the hospital, and, well…”  
  
"It's not your fault," Magnus cut in, trying to stop Catarina's spiral of self-deprecation before it took over. "What do you need?  
  
“Can you look after Madzie?” Catarina asked.  
  
It hurt Magnus to hear how hesitant Catarina was. They had been best friends for years.  
  
There was no reason to be hesitant in asking for a perfectly reasonable favour.  
  
“I know it’s short notice, but -”  
  
“Of course I will,” Magnus said, wanting to go up to Ronald Reagan himself to punch him in the face for contributing to all of this distress. “You know I love my sweetpea.”  
  
“She’s got a doctor’s appointment at five,” Catarina said, “it’s her yearly check-up, and she really can’t afford to miss it.”  
  
“Where is it?” Magnus asked, pushing down his anger at the world and its rigid, unjust ways, as Catarina needed cooperation, not venting, right now.  
  
“At the Lightwoods’ clinic down the road.” Catarina tilted her head to the side. “Madzie, you can come out now.”  
  
A door down the corridor creaked, opening to reveal Madzie. She dashed out from behind it, running up to hug Magnus.  
  
Madzie looked up at him with stars shining in her eyes. "Uncle Magnus! It’s good to see you.”

“It’s good to see you too, sweetpea,” Magnus replied, dropping down to Madzie’s height, “how’s school?”  
  
Her smile widened. “Great! Some kids are mean, but Zoe sticks with me.”  
  
Magnus nodded, grateful for the small mercies of life.  
  
“And we’re getting to write, now, on these tiny blackboards,” Madzie continued, enthusiasm sparkling within her eyes, “nowhere near as big as yours, Uncle Magnus. Do you know why they make chalk so crumbly?”  
  
Magnus laughed, shaking his head. “No, I don’t, sweetpea.”  
  
“Anyway,” Catarina interrupted, “Madzie, darling, Uncle Magnus needs to take you to your appointment shortly.”  
  
Madzie nodded, entwining her hands with Magnus' jacket as if afraid that he would go away, now that she had stopped talking to him. “May I go to the park after?”  
  
“Of course, dear,” Catarina said, slinging her bag over her shoulder, dropping down onto her knees to press a soft kiss to Madzie’s forehead. “Be safe.”  
  
“I’ll try,” Madzie promised, “Uncle Magnus knows how to keep me safe.”  
  
“He sure does. I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” Catarina said, unlatching the door, the bolt banging against the wood. “Do what Uncle Magnus tells you to do, okay?”  
  
“I will,” Madzie repeated, fiddling with Magnus’ jacket.  
  
The door closed with a click.  
  
Madzie fell into Magnus, forcing him to sit down so that she could crawl into his lap, though he didn’t mind.    
  
Magnus opened his arms, making it easier for Madzie to hug him. “We need to go to the doctors shortly, then supper and then the park. Sound good?”  
  
Madzie nodded against his neck. “Yep. Can you please read to me?”  
  
It broke Magnus’ heart that, even after all these months, Madzie was still so hesitant to ask for what she wanted.  
  
“Of course, dear,” he replied, pulling _Matilda_ out of his pocket, “just relax.”

...

The clinic wasn’t difficult to find, with a neat _Drs Lightwood_ scrawled on a sign in front of the place.  
  
When Magnus opened the door, he was met with a clean interior.  
  
And a friendly receptionist. “Welcome,” she greeted, putting down her pen, “I’m Ms Fray.”  
  
“Nice to meet you," Magnus said, "I'm Mr Bane, here for Madzie Loss' 4 o'clock appointment with Dr Lightwood."  
  
Ms Fray nodded, checking her notebook with practised ease. “Ah, yes. Please wait in the waiting room and you will be called shortly."  
  
“Thank you,” Magnus said, as Madzie grabbed his hand, tugging him towards the waiting area.  
  
“They’ve got a nice piano,” Madzie whispered into his ear. “Can you play it please?”  
  
Magnus smiled, sitting down at the piano. “Of course, sweetpea.”  
  
And as he slipped dramatically into a soft rendition of Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, he started to relax.  
  
It was nice to only have to worry about one thing at the time, if only temporarily.

...

Dr Lightwood, unfortunately, broke Magnus’ reverie.  
  
He turned out to be that asshole from the bus stop.  
  
“Ah, Dr Lightwood," Magnus said, his smile now tight, "nice to meet you. I'm Magnus Bane, Madzie's uncle."  
  
Dr Lightwood leant forward, offering his hand, and in the name of politeness and in not scarring Madzie, Magnus shook it.  
  
"Please,” Dr Lightwood said with a dismissive wave of his hand, “call me Alec.”

If his eyes hadn’t been so familiar, Magnus might have believed that he was mistaken, that this charming doctor wasn’t the same person who had made him miss his bus.

Magnus tried and failed to add some semblance of warmth to his tone before he spoke next. “Alright.”

“Well," Alec said, flipping through a thin file, "as I told Catarina before on the phone, the health insurance has come through."  
  
"Right," Magnus replied, having to make a conscious effort to keep the bitterness out of his voice, "let's commence, then."

If it had been a regular day, and Magnus had missed his normal bus, he would have had some serious explaining to do to his boss.

So he wasn’t exactly brimming with positivity about this Dr Lightwood.  
  
Yet as the consultation went on, Alec continued to dote on Madzie with soft words and even softer smiles, leading Magnus to think that, despite his selfish tendencies, perhaps Alec wasn’t the devil incarnate.  
  
Still, for the peace of his own mind if nothing else, Magnus wanted to ask Alec why he hadn’t simply asked the bus driver to wait.  
  
So at the end of the consultation, he spoke up. "Madzie, if you could please wait outside, I would like to have a private word with Dr Lightwood."  
  
Madzie nodded, slipping outside without a fuss.  
  
Alec sighed, shuffling the paperwork. “Catarina has already paid for everything this year and completed all of the necessary paperwork - you know that, right?”  
  
“Yeah,” Magnus dismissed with a wave of his hand, “I do. But that’s not what I wanted to talk about. Is there a reason why you didn't wait for me to get on the bus?"  
  
Alec blinked. “I wasn’t trying to be rude.”  
  
“You clearly saw me,” Magnus couldn’t help but argue, “what, did you think I was running for the trees?”  
  
Alec shook his head, a small laugh escaping his lips. “Magnus. That wasn’t the public bus.”  
  
Magnus frowned, feeling his irritation slipping away. “But it looked exactly like one.”  
  
“A disguise,” Alec said, shrugging. “It was for a… training day, for a special selection of doctors.”  
  
“Oh.” Thank goodness Madzie was outside. She didn't need to see this. “Well - what happened to my actual bus?”  
  
“It turned the corner as you entered the street,” Alec said, his eyes crinkling with laughter. “Look, as an apology for creating you all this stress, however inadvertently, why don’t we meet up for coffee some time? My treat.”  
  
“Sure.” 

There wasn’t any real reason to turn down an offer of free food and genuine companionship.

So Magnus took it.

...

There was a certain comfort to his loft, the long, draining week of exams finally behind him, a place where he could simply relax.  
  
As Magnus loosened his tie, excitement pierced his weary soul: tonight, he wouldn’t simply be eating takeout alone, but going out with Alec to a local diner.  
  
It had been so long since he had gone out with anyone new.  
  
His bell rang, and Magnus sighed, tightening his tie back up: despite the tie, his outfit wasn’t awfully fancy, just nice pants with a grey dress shirt.  
  
After slipping his wallet and keys into his back pocket, Magnus somehow found the strength within himself to walk to the door.  
  
It swung open outwards with ease - thankfully, Alec had taken the precaution of standing away from the door.  
  
But his smile still lit up the hallway, despite how relatively casual he was dressed compared to his stiff suit from the other day at the clinic: loose-fitting jeans, a simple t-shirt and scuffed sneakers.  
  
“Hey,” Alec said, stepping forward, “you look nice.”  
  
Magnus couldn’t stop the warmth in his chest from spreading, despite the danger. “Why thank you,” he replied, a smile slipping onto his face, “so do you, Dr Lightwood.”  
  
A slither of disapproval fell into Alec’s gaze. “No titles here, Dr Bane. Simply good food.”  
  
“Right then, Alec,” Magnus said, pulling the door closed behind him, “let’s head to the famous diner, then.” 

...

The diner was lovely, tucked away from the general hustle and bustle of New York.  
  
“How’d you find this place?” Magnus asked as they walked inside. “It’s gorgeous.”  
  
Alec shrugged. “Come here all the time with my partner. It’s near the clinic and it serves good food.”  
  
As Alec spoke, a waitress approached them, her blonde hair tucked up into a bun. “Take your seats wherever you please,” she said, “and I’ll be back in a few minutes to take your order.”  
  
“Thanks, Lydia,” Alec said, before leading Magnus to a corner booth, near the jukebox that was belting out _Don’t Stop Believin’_.

Alec picked up the pitcher of water when he sat down, gesturing for Magnus to do the same.  
  
Magnus slipped onto the seat opposite Alec. “Who’s your partner?” he asked, opening the menu, “your wife?”  
  
It wasn’t something that Magnus necessarily wanted to be true, but something that was likely to be.  
  
Alec spluttered, putting down the pitcher of water. “Oh God no. It’s my sister.”  
  
“How’s working with your sister?” Magnus asked, scanning the menu absentmindedly, in an effort to shield his relief from the world.  
  
Alec shrugged,  pouring water into his glass. “Good. She’s an amazing doctor. Could do without the teasing, though.”  
  
“Ah, but that’s the sisterly love right there,” Magnus said, his tone warm.  
  
Alec snorted. “Sure. Sisterly love. Want some?” he asked, gesturing with the pitcher.  
  
Magnus shook his head. “Nah, I’m good. Thinking of getting a chocolate milkshake.”  
  
Alec nodded, humming. “Izzy told me that they’re good. What else?”  
  
“A scone.” Magnus couldn’t help but think of how ashamed Ragnor would be of Magnus for daring to order and consume a disgusting, American scone.  
  
“Sounds good,” Alec said, sipping his water. He tilted his head towards the jukebox, which had now slipped into _Under Pressure_. “Do you like Queen?”  
  
A smile broke through, a topic of ease sliding onto his tongue. “Yeah,” Magnus replied, “they’re great.”  
  
Alec put down his glass of water, his gaze content. “Brilliant. My sister doesn’t. Nice to meet a fellow fan,” he said, holding his hand out in a mock handshake.  
  
“Why ever not?” Magnus asked as he shook Alec’s hand, pushing down the laughter bubbling within himself, feeling more comfortable by the second.  
  
Alec shrugged. “Bad taste, I say.”  
  
Magnus laughed, closing the menu. “Fair call.”  
  
And as the night fell away, into laughter and delicious food, Magnus couldn’t help but reflect on how screwed he was.  
  
Alec was such a beautiful man, both inside and out.  
  
Magnus really should learn to stop wanting what he could never have. 

...

  
It wasn’t difficult to track down the clinic’s number, but it was with unsteady fingers that Magnus dialled it.  
  
Not knowing how something would be received tended to instil fear into a person.  
  
There was a click, a whirl, and the line crackled. “Dr Lightwood speaking.”  
  
It wasn’t Alec speaking - Magnus could tell that much. “Um, hi. This is Magnus Bane -”  
  
“I see,” they replied, smugness crawling into their voice. “I’ll get my brother in a minute, he’s on a break.”  
  
So Magnus waited, fanning himself to try and cool himself in the stifling summer heat.  
  
“Hello,” Alec said, “Magnus, thanks for calling.”  
  
It wasn’t what he had expected. “Oh - that’s quite okay. I was just wondering...” the line crackled with static, “if we could meet up again?”  
  
“Definitely. It’s game night with my sister tomorrow night if you’d like to come?”  
  
“That sounds lovely,” Magnus said, mopping the sweat from his forehead.  
  
“We even have an air conditioner,” Alec added, amusement slipping into his voice. “Izzy insisted that she would not live with me if I stunk up the place every summer. So, I let her invest.”  
  
“How chivalrous of you,” Magnus commented, the information making the deal sweeter if time spent with such an intriguing man needed to be improved upon.  
  
Alec chuckled. “Indeed. You can meet us at the clinic at 6 o’clock tomorrow night. Trust me, it’s easier that way.”  
  
“Well.” Magnus paused, taking a sip of his lukewarm water. “If you insist. See you then, Alec.”  
  
“See you. Stay safe.” 

...

The clouds swirled above Magnus as he entered the clinic, the reception area empty but for the chatter of Alec and his sister drifting through from another room.  
  
“Stop overreacting,” someone chided, “everything is going to be fine.”  
  
Magnus couldn’t help the curiosity from spiking beneath his skin, as he strode forward and knocked on the door behind the reception desk.  
  
“Hello,” he said to an eyeful of plaster.  
  
The door opened, and with it, a young woman, her dark hair twisted into an intricate bun.  
  
“Magnus!” she said, beaming. She started to unbutton her lab coat, shedding the world of work from her shoulders. “I’m Izzy, Alec’s sister.”  
  
“Lovely to meet you,” Magnus replied, reaching out to shake her hand.

Izzy shook his hand. “You’ve found a chivalrous one, brother,” she teased.  
  
“I guess so,” Alec said as he stepped into the room, his hair ruffled. "Let's go.”

Only joy came from following Alec to his home, to another phenomenal night.

...

The game of the night turned out to be Payday; a game that Magnus cherished, if not for the game itself but of the countless times he had played it with Madzie.  
  
But never before had it been such a competitive exercise.  
  
“Honestly,” Alec muttered, reluctantly forking out some of his fake cash, “I didn’t even go to any High School Dances. Why do I have to pay for it?”  
  
“Stop complaining,” Izzy interrupted, her own wad of cash thick from a particularly profitable deal involving water pipes, “it’s a game, and anyway, you can survive buying your sister a few dresses.”  
  
Magnus laughed, lightness brewing within him, and it had nothing to do with the champagne. “Darling, I had to pitch in the same amount to make you a mayor. It’s a chance game.”  
  
“Well,” Alec said, handing the dice to Magnus, his palm warm, “my luck is a sham.”  
  
Izzy snorted, putting down her wine. “No, it’s not. You’re going to Queen next week.”  
  
“Yeah, because it’s my birthday gift from you, who I’m going with,” Alec replied, his gaze deadpan.  
  
Izzy shrugged. “Excuses, excuses.” She paused, swishing her wine around, turning to face Magnus, her eyes sparkling with the same fire that had made this game so intense. “You should go.”  
  
Magnus shook his head. “No, dear. You bought the tickets. You should go.”  
  
Izzy shrugged again. “Yeah, because I wanted my brother to have the option to go with someone, and I was there if he didn’t find anyone else he wanted to go with.”  
  
A logical response.  
  
Those always were more difficult to refute.  
  
“Really, Izzy, there’s no need -” Magnus said, repeating himself. As much as he would love to go to Queen, see Freddie Mercury’s face sparkle under the gleam of fluorescent lights as he belted his heart out, he didn’t want to be an intruder.  
  
Didn’t want Alec to resent him for stealing his sister’s rightful place.  
  
“Izzy’s right,” Alec interrupted, “she could care less about Queen, but you clearly love them.”  
  
Magnus blinked. “Are you sure?”  
  
“Yeah,” Alec said, putting down his own glass, “they’re my tickets and I’d love to go with you - if you can make it. It’s 8 pm next Tuesday.”  
  
Magnus finished work at 5.  
  
“Yeah,” he said, defeated, “I can.”  
  
“Right,” Izzy said, crossing her arms, “that’s settled, then.”  
  
Magnus smiled, his chest tight. “I guess it is, then.”  
  
“I’m looking forward to getting to spend more time with you,” Alec replied, picking up his glass.  
  
Lies fell, sugar sweet, from Alec’s lips, again and again.  
  
Yet perhaps Alec did genuinely enjoy Magnus’ company.  
  
Magnus lifted his glass in mock salute. “So am I.”

  
...

It took an hour on the dusty, crowded trains of New York to reach Madison Square Garden - but with Alec, it hadn’t mattered the surroundings, but who he was with.

The chatter swelled as they were caught up in the crowd moving towards Madison Square Garden.  
  
The sun still flared across the city as they shuffled through Tower B, yet there was also a cool breeze swirling throughout the crowd of people.  
  
They walked in the sticky heat to their seats along row 14, near the corner, but with a clear view of the stage.  
  
“You have a very nice sister,” Magnus muttered as they sat down.  
  
Alec shrugged. “Izzy’s amazing. But you should see what I got for her birthday.”  
  
“What?” Magnus asked as people continued to file in.  
  
“Her new home,” Alec said as if it was the most mundane gift in the world. “She had recently qualified as a doctor, much to our parents’ detriment, and I offered her a place where she wasn’t constantly asked when she was going to marry.”  
  
Alec fell quiet. “I don’t think either of us is going to please our parents in that particular area of life.”  
  
“Well.” Magnus cracked open his water, expensive as it was, and took a sip. “Marriage isn’t everything.”  
  
Alec laughed dryly. “Tell that to my parents. You’d be out of the door before you had even entered.”  
  
“Let’s not talk about those of the past,” Magnus said, squashing down the glee that arose from Alec’s untraditional views shining through, “let’s talk about the present, and the miracles we’re about to witness.”  
  
Alec nodded, and as he did, the whole entire stadium fell into a hush.

But then the whole crowd cheered and they joined into the roar, Freddie Mercury himself strolling onto the stage.  
  
“Hello New York!” Freddie said, his voice rolling across the stadium in a booming echo. “Welcome to Madison Square Garden!”  
  
The music thrummed with energy; but the display itself enthralled Magnus, with the dancing of the lights, in shades of green and red and blue, smoke curling off the stage. But perhaps the most enchanting part of the performance was Freddie himself, as he sung, walking across the stage like it was his home.  
  
He clapped, along with Alec, as the crowd joined in for a fast-paced rendition of _We Will Rock You_.  
  
The songs took him away, to an easier time, to a lighter time, to a world full of possibility.    
  
The crowd buzzed with enthusiasm, and it was contagious. For Magnus sung, he clapped, he laughed.  
  
A brilliant night, made sweeter by the man by his side.  
  
As it drew to an end, the chorus of _We Are The Champions_ swelling into place with the banging of drums, fire licked against his skin due to the sheer intensity of the atmosphere.  
  
This was a concert of flame, of passion, of joy.  
  
But Magnus didn’t think that he needed to come here to find that part of himself - if he was allowed, he could find it in the man sitting right next to him.

  
...

They stumbled onto the night train with others from the concert, chatting idly with laughter stirring their weary bones.  
  
“Aren’t you glad that we forced you to go?” Alec teased, his eyes twinkling.  
  
Magnus shrugged. “Yeah,” he whispered, his voice slightly raspy from all of the singing, “I am. Thank you, again.”  
  
“I don’t think you quite understand,” Alec said, as the carriage shook and rattled, “it was my pleasure.” 

...

There was a notable silence to Alec’s apartment after the buzz of the concert, covering Magnus like a blanket.  
  
Magnus flopped onto the couch, closing his eyes. The click of the door closing, the thud of Alec’s boots; all these little things reminding Magnus that he needed to get himself under control.  
  
“Magnus?” Alec called out, uncertainty wavering in his voice. “Are you alright?”  
  
Magnus lifted his head to smile, but it was strained and his eyes felt as dull as tarnished silver. “I’m fine.”  
  
Alec bit his lip. “Of course. It’s getting late.”  
  
There it was - the dreaded finality to Alec’s words.  
  
Alec had indulged Magnus for long enough. He was under no obligation to stick around.  
  
Even as a friend, even if - even if Magnus wanted more than that.  
  
But the world still shouted, still degraded and scorned and defiled men like him - yet Alec wasn’t like that. He wouldn’t yell at Magnus, but his rejection would be soft, and - Magnus could lose him.  
  
Magnus didn’t think he could bear that.  
  
Magnus nodded, fixating his gaze on the portrait of a beautiful woman in front of him. He’d never seen her before. “It is.”  
  
“Magnus,” Alec reprimanded softly, dropping down onto the couch beside him. “I think it best if - if you stay the night, if you don’t mind. The city isn’t safe at night when you’re alone - and -”  
  
Alec seemed worried, in a way Magnus really hadn’t seen him fret before.  
  
“Calm down,” Magnus interrupted, “I’ll stay, if that makes you feel better.”

But his words were simply another form of pretence: he wanted to stay for his own sake, simple as that.  
  
Alec sunk further into the couch. “Thank you. You can sleep in Izzy’s room, she’s with a friend tonight.”  
  
Alec sighed, curling up in on himself. “She can take care of herself.”  
  
Magnus doesn’t know who Alec was trying to convince - himself or Magnus.  
  
“Of course she can,” Magnus reassured, pushing away the hurt that arose from Alec choosing to not face him, despite the awkward position that ensued.  
  
“That’s her friend, Maia,” Alec said, pointing at the picture, “fierce and stubborn. Perfect for Izzy.”  
  
Magnus could feel himself relax, albeit slightly. Not a girlfriend, then.  
  
Alec shifted on the couch, restlessness interwoven into his bones. “There’s something I need to tell you.”  
  
Alec wasn’t looking at Magnus.  
  
“Go ahead,” Magnus said, “we’ve got all night.”  
  
“The thing is.” Alec sighed again, shaking his head. “Do you want some tea?”  
  
Magnus didn't particularly want tea, but - but it would mean that he got to chatter with Alec a bit longer.  
  
“If you don’t mind,” Magnus replied, “that would be lovely.”  
  
It seemed that all of the energy from the concert had been sucked out by the oppressive heat that still swirled around the city, even as the sun bid New York good night.  
  
Alec got up, quickly, as if thankful for the distance it put between him and Magnus. “How’s work?”  
  
It felt like Alec was trying to stagnate the conversation with mundane topics. “Exam season is coming up, so busy.”  
  
There was the whistle, the click of the kettle and the rattle of tea leaves before Alec spoke next. “I don’t miss it.”  
  
Magnus buttoned and unbuttoned his right cuff a few times. “Neither do I, rather, it’s much more pleasant being on this side of exams. Look - Alec - are you alright?”  
  
No matter how unfulfilled, how lost Magnus felt - how he felt didn’t matter. But, now, if Magnus was making Alec feel uncomfortable - that mattered.  
  
“Um.” Alec blinked, almost dropping the mug he was holding. “I need to tell you something.”  
  
The fear from before came roaring up into his heart, winding around it in an act of strangulation.  
  
“Okay,” Magnus said, swallowing down his own fear, “I trust you.”  
  
Alec smiled. Something fragile, small, but oh so beautiful. “So do I.”  
  
The kettle started to bubble, to boil, but Alec wasn’t paying any attention to it - instead, his eyes were fixated on Magnus.  
  
“I’m gay.” The words were quick, muttered under his breath like Alec was ashamed.  
  
“Hey,” Magnus said softly, “that’s okay. Thank you for telling me.”  
  
Such an immense show of trust; but even if Alec could be attracted to him, it didn’t mean he was.  
  
“And.” He paused. “Only Izzy knows, but I thought it would be important to tell you because -”  
  
Alec trailed off, turning off the whistling kettle.  
  
“Alec,” Magnus said, pushing aside his own mess of emotions in an effort to untangle Alec's, “you don’t have to tell me anything else that makes you uncomfortable.”  
  
Alec shook his head, putting the mug down, pouring tea into it. “No. I need to. And - if you never want to see me again after this, I completely understand.”  
  
Magnus couldn’t fathom anything that would turn him against Alec.  
  
Well, perhaps murder. But even then, it would depend on the circumstances.  
  
Alec exhaled, walking over with Magnus’ cup of tea, his eyes flickering down to the rug as he sat down on the armchair across from Magnus.  
  
“I like you.” Alec seemed frozen, rubbing his hands together. “Romantically - and - I just thought you should know, before it got more serious, before.” He swallowed again. “Before it would have been more painful for me to let go of you.”  
  
It broke Magnus’ heart, the way that Alec cut his own emotions away as if they were worthless.  
  
They were definitely not worthless.  
  
“Look,” Magnus began, walking over to Alec, putting his hand on Alec’s shoulder. “I’m bisexual, so I get how brave you are.”  
  
Alec stared at him, the sheer vulnerability and accompanying fear in his gaze throwing another dagger at Magnus’ heart. “Oh,” he whispered, “that’s good, but -”  
  
“I have feelings for you, too,” Magnus interrupted before Alec could enter another spiral of self-deprecation. “How could I not? You’re the most magnificent man I’ve ever met.”  
  
“I.” Alec blinked, his eyes wet. “I just. Really?”  
  
“Really,” Magnus said, rubbing circles into Alec’s shoulders, a smile slipping through.  
  
Alec leaned forward, tentatively, to cup Magnus’ face as if he was the most precious object in the world. “Can I.” He hesitated. “Can I kiss you?”  
  
“Of course,” Magnus replied, unable to stop himself from leaning into Alec’s touch. It was like being enveloped in pure, gentle warmth.  
  
With that, Alec leaned forward.  
  
The kiss felt like coming home, like kicking off your shoes after a long day at work.  
  
Alec pulled at Magnus’ jacket, and Magnus melted further into the kiss, winding his arms around Alec’s neck.  
  
He’d never felt so safe.  
  
The kiss ended, and Magnus laughed in disbelief. “I’m glad you took this risk. That was.” He searched for an adequate word, but couldn’t find anything adequate for the exhilaration spreading throughout his body and mind. “Wonderful. Exquisite.”  
  
“It was,” Alec said, joy shining in his eyes, “It’s getting late, though. Do you want to go to sleep?”  
  
Magnus nodded, stifling a yawn against his elbow. “Yeah. Is it okay if I go into your room? Just to sleep.”  
  
In the wake of their confessions, Magnus simply wanted to be close to Alec, to soak up his warmth, for as long as he could.  
  
“Yeah,” Alec breathed, “yeah, that sounds nice.”  
  
It took a few minutes, a few moments sinking into the wonderland spinning itself into existence before Magnus’ eyes, before Alec got up, Magnus following behind him.  
  
Once there, they sank into the bed, exhausted.  
  
But not too exhausted for Magnus to slip a hand around Alec’s waist, pulling him close, burrowing instinctively into his warmth.  
  
“I’m not going anywhere,” Alec mumbled, entwining his hand with Magnus’.  
  
The world outside might not be the most accepting; but here, in the arms of the man he was already halfway to falling in love with, Magnus had never felt freer.

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone’s interested, the Queen concert Magnus and Alec attended did happen: on Tuesday, July 27 1982 as part of the Hot Space Tour at Madison Square Garden. historical accuracy is very important here, including the weather.
> 
> I listened to a lot of Queen whilst writing this.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated, and I hope my giftee (sandalwoodmalecs) enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed creating this.
> 
> Now that the reveal has happened, you can come find me on [tumblr](https://mirrorofliterature.tumblr.com/).


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